It’s been 197 days since I wrote here. I hid the blog from the site for a time, too. This was the last header photo I posted:
I wasn’t sure I was coming back to this place.
This site has had several incarnations since I first registered it in 2001. It was a freelance writing site, then solely a blog (posts printed and deleted a long time ago), then a freelance writing site with a blog about freelancing/the articles and essays I wrote.
When I gave up freelancing full-time in January 2016, I half-heartedly posted. Then I gave up all freelance writing in January 2017. My writing juju was used up from freelancing for so long, and so, too, my thoughts around writing had to change. The political landscape turning orange didn’t help either as I felt I needed time to adjust to that new reality (it’s not that she lost, it’s that he won).
I didn’t write anything, for the longest time.
After deciding not to freelance write articles six to seven days a week, for many hours a day, I understand why my brain shut off and hung a NO WRITING sign for months, why it turned instead to taking a lot of photos, watching occasional brainless TV, and spending more time outside. I needed to close the store, as it were, to let my brain stop heading in that direction, and to prepare to go a new way. It felt like riding the ferris wheel, spinning round and round, then slow slow slowly coming to a stop. Once stopped, the operator hits the button to make it spin backwards, and that slow slow slowly happens, until it’s going as fast that way as it did going forward.
Getting used to a different sensation. Looking at the world with new perspective. Letting one door close fully so another one could open unencumbered.
The door reopened in April, with ideas for essays (non-political — there are many more capable than me in that arena), and so that’s what Muse and I will focus on. That’s where I started, so a return to essays is a return to my roots. I remember reading Paper magazine as a teenager (back when it was really good) and loving the essays in the front of the book. When I read magazines to this day, the first things I devour are the essays. The first piece with my byline was an essay. And so that’s what my focus will be here from now on.
Muse wants to blog again, so I’ll write about writing, or feature a blog-worthy-only essay, or post a photo.
I don’t know where this journey will take me, but it’s just nice to know that, after personal (and political) change that affected me greatly (or should I say it was tremendous), I’m ready to write again. I have new notebooks and pens. I have a clean slate here (I deleted many posts regarding freelancing). I have nothing else asking for my creative energy on the level that freelancing did, and so now more than ever, I have the desire.
I have my words. I have my voice. And apparently, I have things to say.
It’s nice to be back. I’ve missed me.